Verge Neverending Story
The Neverending Verge Story (Well, it's over for now, unless I can learn some CGI :P)
Once upon a time...in the land of Verge...
Once upon... by: MasterCain
...there lived a fool named MasterCain. He was on a quest you see, a quest not to find the lost 13 treasures of the world as one would have in a better game. (Fool's Errand, go get it, www.gangsters.com)
Nor was he on a quest to create a game. His great quest was to create a thing known as a webpage. But not just a webpage, but a webpage on the land of Verge. And not just a webpage on the land of Verge but a USELESS webpage on the land of Verge.
But first he must go on a mystic quest to figure out the mystic language known as HTML. On this quest he will meet a monkee, a donkee, and a talking condom. There will be other things as well in store for him, like the strange creature he meets in the next chapter...
The Fool by: allan
And so it came to pass that verily didst MasterCain meet with the unholy slab of Butter. Yea, verily did he meet this milk and dairy by product and woe were his enemies lain in fear of the sweet golden tub which striketh fear in in the pants of mortal men. Nary was this a kind meeting of man and Butter, nay nay. This creamy fattening excursion was concocted not in the breast of a forgiving god, but rather in the unholy depths of vecna's anus. Indeed, his anus. Spiraling through space like a Spirograph in the hands of a brain-dead 6 year-old mental patient high on smack and sugar, vecna's gigantic anus was one of many heavenly bodi-er...asses. Among them were such reknowned astral landmarks as McGrue's afro (from which was spawned the fallen body, Toen), zero's ego, and Hahn. These collosal cosmic creatures spun and danced among the stars like Nancy Kerrigan and her cloned cavalcade wearing subspace blindfolds and whacked out of their gourd on psucadelic shrooms. From this unholy pattern was birthed the HynoGourd and Zaratustra, but I digress.
Where was I? ... Ah yes! The BUTTER. The butter, indeed. Ahem. Right, so these astronomical beings were busy swirling and spidling their way through the cosmos when there came a thunderous cacophony followed by a blinding flash of preternatural light!
The galaxy of ass, fro, ego and hahn had stumbled into a constellation of demonic proportions, summoning forth a being of truly megalomaniacal proportions. From this unnatural light stepped the being known as Tarkuss, flanked by not one, not two and not three, but 14 naked preteen catgirls purring in a sound similar to a chorus of sexy preteen chainsaws.
And lo, did Tarkuss hold in his unblessed hands a platter of the megaverse's most rare and beautiful substances: Milk! Tarkuss' female feline companions did pur and paw at their master's legs, eyeing the platter of blessing creamy whiteness in a lewd and lascivious manner such that would make a 400lb desperate prom date jealous. But yea, was Tarkuss' will like iron and briefs like titanium.
But his feat of tensile strength was for not in the face of the following events. The heavenly creature known as vecna's anus rotated itself in space, facing Tarkuss with the cosmic visage of the space beast vecna.
GOT MILK?
it said whilst beginning to contract and expand in creating a such a whirling spindling spandangling spastic spiral what would make Dr. Suess blush.
The anti-space of the galaxy became as a vaccuum which did verily gank the platter from the catgirl lord. It did indeed flying directly to the space anus and was thoroughly, in a manner which should only be described through the words of a virgin nun, devoured into the gargantuan back orifice.
Stars and heavenly bodies alike began to crash and bang and whir like a chinese new year seen through a kaleidoscope by a 10 year old acid junkie during a spastic case of deprivation. Suns began exploding like the opening credits of a low-brow, high budget action movie and a chorus line a naked catholic schoolgirls careened across the blanket of the universe singing "Baby One More Time."
Down on Earth, dogs stopped humping raccoons and children stopped selling crack to each other long enough to look up at the clear blue dome above to see the silhouette of vecna's ass blocked out the sun in the most disturbing solar eclipse since Roseanne's excursion with a trampolene. In awe of the giant ass, the tiny insignificant people of Earth bore witness to the churning evolution of the fated platter of milk as it was expulsed from vecna's anus to fall to earth in a shower of sparks and other cheap special effects.
One man, standing on a hill overlooking the women's lockeroom, was to be the chosen one. One man, hiding behind the sacred foliage, peering through the blessed ventilation window, with his holy hand down his holy pants held the key to mankind's future in his holy, sweaty palm. Or rather he would momentarily as the meteoric descent of vecna's anus produced butter collided with his head and sent him sprawling down the hillside, butter in hand. Yea, this was truly a fated collision as MasterCain lay unconscious with the butter held in greasy palm. And woe were his enemies, fearing the godless power of the unholy ass butter. And verily would he smite his enemies, were it not for the malicious inclinations of this, the most vilenous and heinous of the dairy by-products! *Orchestral crescendo*
The Butter by: Falthorn
MOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Green Happy by: Seren
Behold, for I am The Edge; Master of AntiAliasing and skillful word wrapper! Mastercain, en guard!
*cue villain by: The Edge
MasterCain rose from his slumber, Jumped up and yelled so all could hear... "BeHOLD i am masterchain! i will compile you faster then you can say Djgpp!". The Edge pulled out his sword..fish. "That all you got?",masterchain laughed as he pulled out his Dragon...fly.
"Let's do this!" yelled edge.
*ouch* *bang* *wheeze* *smash*...
"ANUS???", egde said in confusion.
The sky was Sh*t brown. the heavens cried out "the smell!!! the smell!!!".
"hey hey, naked cathlic school girls, eh heh heh",The egde shouted.
"wanna do some math? let's add us subtract our cloths divide our legs and mutiply!"
"Hey no time for your chinzy pick up lines you lame ass milky licker.", Masterchain flamed...
Not Again... by: Pro Pimp
And once again did the two mighty forces of light and darkness, good and evil, love and hatred, etc, etc, clash in a great thunderous cataclysm that shook the bowels of the universe. Various implements of mass destruction were tossed about as toothpicks before the great Hurricane Moe, and as the dust settled, only one of the two cosmic colossi was left standing:
MasterCain! Our hero stood triumphant!
The_Edge, meanwhile was not exactly standing, but instead was...
B. Royale by: GMW laying on the ground dead...
But soon after our hero MasterCain took pitty on this rotting corpse and casted a spell upon this dead flesh to create his own undead-slave!
But not any slave... a love-slave! Edge's Fate by: Byte But no! There was somthing fundimentally wrong with the Edge (converted love slave), for example, he was still ugly and rotting, and when he walked little gobs of flesh riddled the ground below him. He was a horrid site. Mastercain had no choice but to let it hobble after him all through the day, for it was enchanted, and thats what it did. How ever along a bright country road, Master Cain met an odd fellow named Tricron
"Hullo Sir! Any chance you be interesting in this love slave?" Master cain gave an swindlers grin, and waved his hand back to reveal the rotting corpse.
" Do you want to buy a monkey?" Tricron asked also giving the same swindling grin, opening his cape to reveal a hairy monkey, clinging to his shirt.
"Not on your life, wait a second though..." Master cain took out his zombies binding contract, then casually asked "Does your monkey want a zombie? Whats his name?".
"That is funny, his name is Co-ko the blood thirsty. Although he doesn't want I zombie, I want him to have it." Tricron grabbed a pen and jotted down Co-ko's name.
Instantly the zombie looked at the monkey, gave a growl of appreciation, then darted towards Tricron.
"Off you go you damned monkey!" Screamed Tricron, who whipped the monkey off his clothes, and sent it sprawling into a forest, both zombie and Monkey raced away, and where never seen again.
The love slave by: Tricron
... except that the zombie eventually fell into a lake, and the monkey stole some manuscript pieces and told everyone that came by that they sucked...
But that's another story.
Anyhoo, MasterCain and Tricron were now standing alone in the road, with no clue as to what to do next to advance the plot, (nigh-nonexistant at it already was...) when suddenly a plot twist occurred, in the form of...
Monkey fate by: GMW (again)
For several minutes both Tricron and Mastercain stood on the road, doing nothing... It quickly grew into one of those awkward moments where nobody really knows what to do. Tricron decided to speak up.
"So, this is sorta awkward, isn't it?" said Tricron as he twiddled his thumbs.
"I'll say it is."
"Wha.... w.. what was that?!?" cried Mastercain, as the two looked about for the source of the mysterious voice.
"Hey, down hear, smarty."
The two looked down to seen Mastercain's hand basking in golden light. He opened his hand to see a melty stick of butter, giving off a powerful aura...
"I...It.... it's alive!" screamed Tricron. His eyes widened until he almost looked like Sailor Moon, at which time he conveniently fainted.
"Whaat. Never seen a living stick of butter before? Gah, what kind of world is this?" inquired the mysterious being.
"Wh... whoo are you? Where did you come from? Why are you in my hand?" asked the nervous Mastercain.
"I am Fode, and I have travelled a great distance from vecna's anus to give you a message..."
Alive by: L. Fruitiger
vecna says the message went something like this:
"The Edge says that you should consider yourself lucky that you have the power of the anus on your side; that and this webpage. There will be a rematch, oh yes. Can you smell what the edge is cookin? It's monkey stew."
The Message by: The Edge
suddenly the stick of anal butter began to melt out of MasterCain's hand and slowly dripped onto the ground. The puddle of oozing anal butter goo quickly began to reshape...
Suddenly the edge rose form the anal butter goo in a new form. he was much more powerful this time.
The Edge turned to MasterCain and said, "Do you think you can rid of me that easily?!?"
MasterCain mockingly replied "Lamer :P"
Soon after The Edge began to attack MasterCain.
MasterCain did not know what to do!
suddenly MasterCain decided to start running like a weenie boy.
And 2 days later...
Edges Return by: Byte
It was now dark, and Master Cain, being separated from both Tricron, and the Previously Love slave zombie, now converted fearsome warrior The Edge was nowhere to be seen. He was close though, Master Cain knew that the Edge would not let him go alive.
"Damned Anus, what good are you to me now?" Questioned Master Cain.
"wow look at this!" Came a voice out of a loathsome forest.
"What who are you?" asked Master Cain.
"I am Bob the farmer. Your master Cain I presume?" asked Bob, noncaringly.
"That would be I, But Its Master Cain, the Magnificent!" Cried Master Cain, in the glory of having his name known.
"Grand Grand, I found a nickel, you know what that means?" Bob said.
"Yes, it means your a bloody poor bastard, and you have no right to even speak my name!" Replied Master Cain, still arrogant from being known by the stranger.
However the stranger, was quite insulted, and it was time for Master Cain to learn the results of insulting strangers.
"No, this nickel means I get your momma, 5 times." (The Momma Joke) Bob Venomly Spat. "YOU BASTARD! YOU BLOODY BASTARD!" screamed Master Cain.
But Master Cains fury was temporarily put on hold, as Bobs nickle glew in the dim light. It finnaly spoke out "Hear me squabberlers, I am the Nickle of Peversion, I bear a tale to tell. The East Lands hold many an artifact, some that cause scorching insults of fury and hate. You must quest for these items, it is your only chance to rid yourself of The Edge...
And Master Cains mother is a dirty slut."
"DAMN YOU, I'll FORGE YOU TO BITS YOU LITTLE (unprintable insult)!!!" Screamed Master Cain
"Do you know who your father is Master Cain?"
The little Nickle asked.
"no, I never met him, do you know who he is?", asked Master Cain, visible interest now.
"I think so, I narrowed it down to 500 contestands, answered the Nickle, "HA HA HA AH AH HAR HAR HAR!!!"
"DAMN YOU YOU LITTLE ABOMINATION!!!" Roared Master Cain. He was to late, the nickle's glow has faded away, with one final remark "You may summon me again by this phrase: Master Cains moms a Whore.". Bob placed the nickle into his pocket, and stepped holy out of the woods, revealing a young lad, with hard chin, green eyes and messy brown hair; his attire was baggy pants, and a dress shirt.
"I think we had better go now." Said Bob.
"What's the rush?" Queried Cain.
"I hear your mommas in the east, Don't want to be late for my appointment!" Joked Bob.
The scene ended with Bob running over a hillside, with Cain in hot pursuit. They were on there way to the east, will they make it? Only time will tell.
Cains mom by: Tricron
After running over the hill after bob, MasterCain tripped on a rock rolled down the hill launched off a cliff and splattered on the jagged rocks below...
Soon after Bob turned around to see why MasterCain was not following him... and all he saw was a little splat on the rocks and thought nothing of it and kept running to the east to get to his appointment...
After 3 days of splatness MasterCain began to grow bored, so he decided to summon the nanobots to rebuild his body structure.
After many hours of buzzing and humming the nanos had completed their task... but they went wrong somewhere, for MasterCain was now a catgirl!
MasterCain became angry and began to scream at the nanos... To the East! by: Byte after many minutes of screaming at the nanos, MasterCain grew tired...
MasterCain began to think why would the nanos turn him into a catgirl? Then he suddenly remembered the time he was mocking Tarkuss and tarkuss said he would get his revenge...
MasterCain now knew what the revenge was... angered by this thought the new CatGirl MasterCain sat out to find Tarkuss to have the damage undone... Tarkuss Says by: Byte Thus Catgirl Mastercain set out to seriously lay the smack down upon the vile Tarkuss. He walked down yet another handy road until he came upon a dark, foreboding forest. Before it stood a sign that said "Stay the Hell out, or you'll regret it!."
"Hmm," though Mastercain. "Well, I'm the hero, so I don't care what signs say!" pronounced the catgirl as he/she entered the forest.
Mastercain continued through the forest for some time until he/she heard a sound, sort of a skittering sound. It failed to repeat itself, so Mastercain continued along.
It was not long before once again the skittering sound was heard. Mastercain stopped and and looked around.
"Who are you, and why do you torture me so?!" cried the effeminate catgirl.
Suddenly, what looked like a large squirrel leaped out from on of the trees and started to knaw upon Mastercain's cat-body.
"Get it off me, get it off me!!! Ow ow ow ow ow!!!!" squealed the catgirl/hero.
"Let him go, Nutman," spoke a young man (who just happened to appear).
"But master Eck, he/she/it is intruding upon our homeland, and it did not immediately give me a gift! I deserve to consume it's flesh!"
Eck unsheathed his Runesword and pointed it toward the disgusting creature (uh, Nutman). "No, you may consume it's flesh later, but first I wish to fight..."
Lamer Forest by: L.Fruitiger
MasterCain replied "But I am a simple CatGirl, why must you kill me"
Eck replied "Well whatever the hell you are, you turn me on and I must fight the temptations and kill you!"
So a great battle began... but soon vecna's great anus appeared in the sky above...
And tarkuss also appeared... but that's another story :P
anyway back to vecna's anus...
well it was big... and uhhh... anussy?
Anyway after vecna's anus reappeared people began to scream...
And so now the story continues even more pointlessly with even more plot-holes... Another one. by: Byte the anus of vecna had finally reached the ground, and it landed on everyones head, smashing their brains out.. everyone reaked of shit.
anal smash by: zerox
... And then Mastercain awoke, only to realize that all of the random people appearing and anal-smashing had been a dream that would have made it very difficult for the story to continue. Mastercain was quite pleased to find that he and everyone else that should be alive is alive (er, except for The_Edge, who is still undead)...
awakening by: L. Fruitiger
Cain awoke with a start, it was no dark. The Edges undead body was still hovering above him, as the flys feasted on his rotting eyes.
Cain checked his pockets, and found nothing. He did however spot monkey dung nearby, which reminded him of Tricrons monkey Co-ko flesheater.
"GOD DAMMIT, where did that little ass thief Tricron go?" Cain said to no one.
Cain got up, and walked down the road for a while. The night was quite except for the squishing sound of The_edge's walking, and the forest (to his left) noises.
"Wonder what that dream was about?" Cain thought to himself.
The Dim lights of a distant town were beginning to show throught the nights hazy fog. If he squinted hard enough now, he could just make out a few of the outskirt homes.
Passing a sign which read "Town of Cres", he could tell the town was a market center, because the sign had a white flag on top which demonstrated nutrality in major affairs. He could probably buy some weapons here, had he not been theived of his belongings. To Cains luck however this town possesed a black market, a common hideout of thieves. Mayhaps Tricron be there? Theft by: Tricron after searching for many hours MasterCain found the black market and the thief hideout...
But these thieves were different... they were all the people who visit #verge!
MasterCain stood and thought for a minute...
Black Market by: Byte
... but he thoght for a minute too long. Maniacle laughter filled the city.
Ran out of the underground store, leaving the befuddled #vergers behind.
As Cain finished climbing the last step and he saw Tarkuss running away from the ciy.
"Stop right there mother fucker!" he yelled running after his nemesis. Instead of catching up, he managed to run head first into an invisible wall.
"What the hell?!" Cain exclaims, rubbing his head in pain. He got up quickly, and restarted the persuit, but collided with the invisible barrrier once again.
Cain decided he'd use something he vaguely rememebered from high school called the "scientific method" to figure out what was going on. After jabbing the air in many different places, he decided he'd up the ante and punch the rebelious air to mars. He wound up his arm and landed an ear shattering punch.
After running in circles and crying like a baby, Cain glanced back and now saw the obstruction . . . it was a horizontal scroll bar stacked miles high and wide.
"Well shit, now I have to find a way to break through this sucker." he said, strolling back to the village.
It was then he saw a store called HTML Tool-Kits".
"Looks like I'm in luck!!" he exlaimed ringing the service bell.
His mood promptly dropped as he saw Tricon walk up to him, grinning ear to ear. "May I help you?"
The Barrier by: Narad
The store all of a sudden "CRASHED"
"what the hell was that?", yelled mastercain
"musta been a microsoft",responds Propimp as he takes a step out of the portal he came from...
"please you must help me save my universe. our world is dying", explains propimp.
"how can i help?"
"use the source luke",says the pimp.
"who's luke???"
"Sorry just trying to get the whole star wars thing going on. Anyway you must use the SOURCE code to save our world"
"how can i do it without performing illegal operation or runtime error?"
pimp responds,"Use the source"...
nope by: Pro Pimp
"Why yes!" replied Tricron, who had profitted greatly since the evil monkey had been removed,
"I need your aid once again, mighty MasterCain!"
"Well, my good man, I will do whatever is in my power to help you, as I am good, and that is what good folk do..."
"Excellent!" replied Tricron, gleefully rubbing his hands together in a manner eerily similar to that of a certain evil nuclear plant owner from 'The Simpsons,' "Here is what I require you to do."
"You must go forth to the lands of the distant North, aye, even to the very burg of Seattle, and there, you must find me my long-lost donkey, Joe. You will recognise him as he stars in a very successful ventriloquist act, where, as he has no hands to manipulate a dummy, he makes it appear as if the condom he wears is speaking. Bring him to me, and I shall reveal the whereabouts of the holy Penny of Infinite Monteary Worthlessness, which has no real power to speak of, except that the image of Abe Lincoln can channel the spirit of Elijah Wood. This is the natural enemy of the vicious nickel you encountered earlier, and thus shall you achieve your revenge..."
"And why do you want the donkey?" asked a curious MasterCain.
"To tie up some plot threads that have been hanging aroud since the beginning of the story, of course!" replied Tricron, whose grin had grown even wider, if that was at all possible.
"Not so fast!" crowed a voice, dripping with evil intent. By this, you all know who was speaking. Yes it was The_Edge, who was floating in midair via his new hyper-telekinesis, and with eyes beginning to glow an eerie butter-yellow, with just a tint of ass-brown.
"Duck!" screamed MasterCain, for he knew that by his eyes being that way, The_Edge was about to unleash his ultimate, Akira-like, super gawdawful, Limit Break attack of Doom (tm)... Wages of Sin by: GMW
("Ahem, as I was saying, the *source...*", said the pimp, who was standing nearby, while all this happened, having gotten his bit of story tacked on before the next author had noticed...)
But anyways, The_Edge was about to unleash this really big attack with awesomely cool special effects, known to his fans as...
Whoops! by: GMW
Death Grip.
Thats what the attack was, and described what it did. A burning green hand lept from the Edge's body and grabbed at Cain. Cain jumped behind the desk, and the desk was gripped and crushed to burning cinders.
"RUN!" Shouted Tricron, as he grabbed hold of two shelves and hurled them back, as he propelled out the door, narrowly pulling Cain with him. The two darted down the highway. Huffing and puffing Tricron stoped and grabbed Cain and hurled him into a nearby Horse Carrage.
"Get in!" Tricron hurried Cain along, before he jumped into the Carrage front, and whipped the reins down furyiously. They where going at full speed, and the burning body of the edge's green aura was fading into the distance.
"C-a-i-n-..." The Edges voice echoed into the distances, but the horses where to fast. The voice and the dark town faded into the horizon. Day was approaching.
Escape by: Tricron
---------------------Interlude-----------------
Meanwhile, back at the shop...
"Damn them! Damn them all!" muttered ProPimp, "They frickin' dropped me right out of the story right in the middle of my big scene! Well, I don't need them! I'll just make my *own* frickin' neverending story, and *I'll* be the star! Won't they be sorry then!" This last was muttered in the way a person tends to when trying to ignore the fact that it's pretty certain that the parties involved probably won't give a flying *censored*.
Unfortunately, he never got to finish this line of reasoning, as suddenly a great vortex appeared in the sky, sucking the outrageously clad pimp up into outer space, where he was confronted by none other than the celestial buttocks of vecna.
"I have summoned you to perform a task for me..." said the great ass, in a voice surprisingly reminiscent of Orson Welles.
"Nobody summons ProPimp!" screamed ProPimp, in a desperate attempt to cover up his mortal terror at being abducted by a giant butter churning space anus.
"Well then, you must have come willingly, mustn't you?" uttered the ass, graciously leaving ProPimp an avenue to save face.
"Damn you! What do you want from me?" blustered the pimp.
"You harbor in your heart the seed of vengeance. I will nurture this seed by giving you ungodly amounts of power, and making you my second agent on the planet below... My first, The_Edge, is there to distract my current nemesis: MasterCain. You will go forth and bring to me the only artifacts I fear: The Cosmic Spare Change of Eternity... Bring me all of the coins in the set, so that I might use them to perform the Third Great Universal Party Trick of the Apocalypse, by sucking the entire $1.91 into my great anus, and holding them there by suction. This trick will cause the other Great Elder Vergers of the Constellation of Supreme Horror to laugh so hard that they squirt rancid milk out of their collective noses for all eternity, allowing me to steal their powers and rise to the power level needed to expel the Infernal Tapeworm of Armageddon, a fire-spitting beast that shall introduce disaster after unholy disaster upon this galaxy, and finally shall encircle it with its disgusting coils, and end all life except for that of my own...
"But first, the change must be gathered, and you are the disgruntled soul that I shall choose to do it."
"Why should I help you? What do I get out of this?" asked an indignant ProPimp.
"When I become master of everything, I shall give unto you Tarkuss's entire bevy of catgirls, to be your 'ho's for all eternity." replied the posterior of posteriors.
"Hot diggety damn!" exclaimed ProPimp, "I'll do it!"
Suddenly, ProPimp was turned into a giant robot version of himself. He was still wearing a goofy puple outfit with all the trimmings, but he also had the Decepticon symbol added to his chest.
"Arise, ProPimpbot 500!" thundered the collosal nether region.
"Oh mighty ass of vecna! I ask of you a boon! Please, give me some help, so that I might comb the planet for spare change more efficiently!" pleaded the new and improved pimp.
"Very well!" responded vecna's butt. And with that, it began to contract, and let out a strangled straining sound. "NNNNNNNNNNNNGHHH! URRRRRGH! NNNHHHH!" Eventually, an enormous turd was expelled, the size of a minibus, if a minibus was as large as the Chrysler building.
"Wh... What!?!" exclaimed ProPimpbot 500, "How is this gonna help?"
Suddenly, two figures emerged from the giant space floater. In eerie unison, the twin beings, only seconds ago born from a giant waste product, chorused a single word. A word that chilled the robotic pimp to the bone:
"Caca!"
--------------------End of Interlude-----------
Interlude by: GMW
In the Riding Bear in, Tricron made good to light the hearth. Finnaly accomplishing that he turned and left the room. Cain was still asleep.
Mere hours later Cain woke up, seeing Tricron was not anywhere around him, Cain began the slow recollection of the past events. The Edge was reincarnated, Pro pimp was nowhere to be seen, he had escaped through a carraige, and Tricron who had come in the motel with him, was no where to be seen.
Cain got up and decided to go for a stroll around the motel. Motel Madnes by: Tricron Mastercain walked down to the lobby of the seedy motel, looking for something plotworthy to do. Within, he saw an assortment of generally boring people. SInce he had nothing better to do, Mastercain walked up to one of them, who happened to be wearing a dark green cloak, and decided to strike up a conversation.
"Hey, wazzup?" inquired the foolish looking Mastercain.
"God, please don't tell me you're a rapper or something... Please, leave me be." replied the stranger.
"Oh, come on. I haven't had enough to have a midnight revelation in this story yet, so I gotta do something here."
"Very well. I am Lord Fruitiger, the prophet. Want me to read your fortune? Would that make you happy? Huh, huh???"
"Sure, why not," replied Mastercain.
"That's gonna cost you 5 strudelns." said Lord Fruitiger.
Mastercain just sorta stood there for a second, staring at the strange person. "Um, what's a strudeln?" asked the confused hero.
"Crap, I forgot that I'm in a foreign land, with some other sort of strange currency. Fine, just give me some sort of money." replied the less than happy prophet.
Mastercain handed over some money, and Lord Fruitiger set to work. He pulled out a Big Shiny Object (TM) and stared into it....
"I see.... Holy shit! Well, it looks like the forces that be are against you today. I see a large metallic pimp and a rotting love-corpse, and they both appear to be coming for you. This doesn't look too good."
"Uuhhmmmm, ookay, so what should I do., replied the leery Mastercain.
"Well, personally, I'm gonna get the hell out of here, so I don't get killed off right away. As for you, I don't think you're strong enough to stop them, but I know someone who may be able to help. You must seek out the one known as Aen. He may be able to create a weapon for you that could even the score..." And with that, Lord Fruitiger packed up his Big Shiny Object (TM) and ran the hell away, before he could be killed off.
Mastercain, more confused than ever, decided to go back to bed.
Prophet by: L. Fruitiger
Cain turned to go back to his room, but before he could, he heard Tricrons familar voice.
"Hey wait up!"
Tricron jogged to master Cain.
"well... where we you all morning?" Cain asked
Tricron laughed, then pulled out a bag of coins
"What the.. where you steal those from?" Cain asked bemusedidly.
"Trade Secret, accually most of them where once yours." Tricron gleefully stated.
"Ya..." Cain said, grabbing the bag, and taking what he figured was his fair share.
"Thats not all, some group of explorers are going to try to find some artifact, seeing as how these storys revolve around them, I figured you should join up." Tricron told Cain
"Sure lets go - " Cain staring off towards some crowd.
"Im not coming, see you around Cain." Tricron stated.
Cain turned around to persuade the thief, but Tricron had already left.
hi's + bye's by: Tricron
MasterCain stood for a minute wondering wherethe thief could have gone...
After thinking he heard a noise, he turned around to fnd The Edge and Propimp!
They launched an attack and killed MasterCain...
5 days later when they were about to throw him in the river near town so his body could float out to see a giant nose came down and sneezed on the corpse of MasterCain and he was brought back to life!
MasterCain said to the 2 evils "I saw the light! and it told me I would go to hell if I do not stop you! So they sent me back... but this time with Super Powers!" MC's Death!! by: Byte
MasterCain decided to demonstrate the first of his new powers, not pausing to wonder whether the giant nose might have anything to do with the almighty Ass of vecna.
"Ha! Watch in awe as I use my mighty powers to summon a horrific beast from the netherworld to be my familiar, and obey my every order! Including, my dear nemeses, (plural: nemesis. Look it up.) the order to devour you both messily and with great abandon. The *very* first order that I shall give!" he exclaimed.
And with that he begun the mystic familiar-summoning ritual that was required to pull the trick off. Hours passed, and as he did the Funky Chicken within the mystic circle of banana peels, MasterCain heard the two villains conversing in muttered tones:
"Cripes!" exclaimed The_Edge, "MasterCain's new attacks take even longer than Cloud's Limit Breaks in FF Tactics to pull off! When's this gonna be over?"
"Bzzzt! I do not know, homey, but can't we just kill him now? I don't *really* need to see this thing in action to bring completion to my life. Just bring me a couple of 'ho's, and I'll be just peachy! Bzzzt!" replied a fatigued ProPimbot 500.
"Naw, it's in our story-contract. I got to use Death Grip, and he gets to use this thing, whatever it does..." sighed The_Edge.
"Ia, ia, Shub Muggorath! The Black Poet from the 'Hoods With a Thousand Tongues! Eia, aiea, aeiouY! Send unto me the mightiest heckspawn from your lightless void, to engulf my foes with complete and utter darkness of the mind! By the fates, I invoke you! By the zodiac, I invoke you! By the sun and the moon, the seven hexes and the four basic food groups, I invoke you! Finally, by #verge I invoke you! Send me my Minion! MUUHUHUHAHAHAHA!" incanted MasterCain.
As he spoke this, the lighting in the clearing dissipated and died, even in the middle of the day, and an ominous wind from all directions picked up. As he reached the climax of the horrific ritual, the circle of power flared a luminescent, yet sickly green, and then...
...Everything returned to normal. All three of these godlike characters developed sweatdrops.
"Um... it doesn't seem to have worked. Lemme think, what did I do wrong?" remarked MasterCain, as he began to flip through his user's manual, appropriately titled: 'So You've Just Gained Super Powers!'
Then a familiar-looking squirrel dropped down from overhead, landing on MasterCain's shoulder.
"Hi, d00d!" it spoke.
Super MC! by: GMW
All was silent. Days passed, and no one chose to add anything more to the story. It seemed that the plot (such as it was) had died a natural death.
Then a young woman showed up.
"Hi, I'm Schezerade!" she said. "In the hopes of jump-starting someone to add to the story again, I will begin a pointless sub-story within the story, that will hopefully ad dto the back-story of the current story and enrich the reading experience for everyone!"
Everyone else stood mute, not having any lines in this chapter.
"Uh, I'll take that as a 'yes.'" she said.
"Things were not always as they are now, you know! vecna's ass was not always separate from the rest of his body. Let me tell you the story of how vecna's ass got its freedom..."
Anyone? by: GMW All men, you see, even men such as vecna, can be split up into two basic parts. The first, upstairs, is where all that is pure and logical is collected from the void and used for the betterment of all. That which is left over goes to the other part, where it is supposed to be disposed of.
However, during the eigth day of creation, (hey it was a Monday) vecna did drop his guard, and the then holy anus of vecna did then gain self-awareness. Having been nourished with nothing but the impure, corruption that vecna did wisely choose to, err dispose of, the anus was quickly corrupted, and without the intervening of his better half, vecna's anus did grow powerful, more powerful than any anus had e'er before. By the time vecna did, uh, lower his gaze from his creation, the now unholy back-end had grown argueably more powerful than vecna himself.
The war between the creator and his ass was waged for many a day, until the anus did smite vecna. the undoing
by: the Speed Bump
...with great flatulence, forming many a nebula and clouds of dark matter. And the great upper regions of vecna did say:
"Verily, what beeth that reek?!?" addendum by: GMW
****I would add, I just don't know who says Hi D00d! In the verge community, and would rather not add than get bad mouthed....***
D00d? by: Tricron
***And I would just reply that the "familiar-looking squirrel" would have to have appeared earlier in the story... :)
Actually, I don't really recall Nutman talking like that. It was just for the 'lame' joke... :)***
Explanation) by: GMW
"Eww..." Sighed the_edge, as he repeatedly stomped the squirrel into oblivion (that solved that problem). Hurridly cain thought of what he could do to escape. Then Cain cried "OH MY GOD ITS A PARADE OF NAKED CHEERLEADERS!" Pimpbot gave a robotic hum, turned and his robotic components hummed as he started looking for the imaginary parade. However the_edge was not fooled so easy, "HA! you mistake me for a fool!" The_edge gloated, as he cast back his head and gave a deep howl of laughter. The opening was just what Cain needed, Cain thrust his elbow into The_Edges chin, knocking him back into pimpbot. Both of them staggered and fell, as Cain followed up his first blow, with a more powerful second. "Do not compute..." Squealed Pimpbot. Then Pimpbots eyes glowered with red as he voiced "PRIMARY OBJECTIVE: Cature... SECONDARY OBJECTIVE: Eradicate, exterminate... DESTROY.." Then his back thruster gave a burst, lauching Pimpbot to his feet, whilest burning The_edges hair off. Pimpbot swung his arms and had his blow narrowly blocked, as Cain ducked behind a tree. Cain kicked from behind the tree into Pimps back, but it had no effect other than stubbing Cains toe. Pimpbot was fumming, his arm was dented and smash from hitting the tree with such impact, cursing Pimpbot raised its other arm, grabbed the tree and thrust it away. The_edge got up and scream "MY HAIR!!", then noticing the battle he lept into battle, kicking and flailing his arms, about as he batter Cain. Whilst pimpbot repaired his arm, Cain and the_edge fought blow for blow, until finally Cain got the upper hand, and managed to grab the_edge, and flip him over. The battle finished with Cain leaping into the air, then coming down with the whole force he could muster onto the_edges neck. There was a sickening snap, as the_edges neck snapped. how ever the victory was a shallow one, the edge was still an undead, and could probably get another spine from stealing from the living, but for now the battered Cain made for the hills in all haste
The Battle by: Tricron
